getting out
hello hello,
See theres a lot of things that I'm scared of for college. Im scared to live with someone other than my direct family, I'm, scared I'm not going to have enough money to move out the next summer, yata yata yata. Above all though, I'm scared to not be comfortable in my town. living in such a small town, with small streets, and small goings on, Theres a lot of things that I do on a daily that I probably wont ever do again.
I wake up in the morning, I get up for work and get in my car thats parked directly outside of my house, and I take the same route to work every single day. Pull out of my driveway, turn right, turn left, turn right, turn left, turn left, park. I recognise the cars in the parking lot, then walk inside with someone I've known since fourth grade; which in this town is a small brag, as most have known each other since kindergarten. I punch cards for the same 25-ish ladies I see every morning, I don't even have to ask them their names anymore because I've memorised them all. I talk and chat with them, because I've seen a lot of them every single morning for the whole summer. I teach, feel no stage fright, then lock up and leave. I start my drive home, its almost mechanic. I do the opposite of what I did to get here to get home. My foot presses down on the gas pedal just enough to be going the speed limit exactly. I courteously pull off to the side to get onto my road, just like everyone else does. I go a little more than 20 miles an hour, because everyone except the jehova's witness cop agrees that is ridiculous. I go past the same 10 houses, pull into my spot three places from the left, parking break, put it in park, turn my car off.
I need to be uncomfortable; I need to not know the speed limit, I need to rely on google maps, I need to take public transit, I need to try new food places, I need to be short on money, I need to go to places in the middle of the night and feel scared, I need new faces, new people, new souls, new mindsets.
I am so sickeningly comfortable in this town it feels like its sewn into the texture on my skin. This place gives you a look, and you can tell if someone isn't from around here. You can also tell if they don't belong. Kids come and go, and the kids that go have a face that knows a bigger place, and they're not meant to be here.
Not that I hate my town or that this place is inherently bad, but for the wellbeing of myself and for the expanse of my brain, I need to get out of here, at least for now.